av u eva had the feeling

av u eva had the feeling of xtreme restlessness n at d same time not wantin to do nething in particular? just bored out of ur skin yet not knowing wht to do? well, im feelin dat ryt now. 4 :15 am, staring at my computer screen... nuthin to do... av bn feelin this since nearly 2 days... just watched Dial M for Murder, hitchcock. my first hitchcock movie. din like it too much.. it was ok... murder mystery type... was hopin for better... hate this feeling... i guess thz r the times whn i grapple n fyt with depression... sort of...

just remembered sumthin dat d psychiatry guy had said during 1 of d mle lectures... depression is not a feeling of xtreme sadness or grief... its actualli a feeling of NUMBNESS... not avin d capacity to feel... its almost like lookin at things from a 3rd person angle... not feelin them as if things were happenin to u... its like uv stepped out of ur own body n r lukin at urself ... yeah yeah .. i kno ... dats d definition of 'depersonalization'... psychiataric term ...

its not like i cant go out n av fun n function wid oders when i get into 1 of thz moods... i did go out last nyt with frenz... had few laffs n evn cracked a couple of jokes myself... i can ... but thrs always tht feelin inside tht sumthins not ryt... sumthins amiss... perhaps emptiness... earlier i wudnt av bn able to... i guess as u grow older u become better n better at hiding ur feelings... 

now guys plz dont start calling me whn u read this... i usualli like to be alone whn im in thz moods.. tc ppl... i kno it must nt av bn fun to read this... sry... bii..